droopy tail feathers

I burnt the bird last night.

No, seriously.

I beg forgiveness of Woolies.

I walked into their Food section and there was the display, telling me I could spend R150 to feed 4 – not bad.

Oozingly rich tiramisu, lasagna, chicken – what to choose…. I chose the bird and was delighted to find that it was all butter-basted, herbed and lemony and wrapped in an oven-bake bag – that was when it was raw.

Popped the easy-cook gem into the oven and then I fell asleep while watching Masterchef on tv.

Anyone who knows this program could not fail to be intimidated by those judges – Michel Roux and his Michelin stars. They wrinkle their noses and I swear they can taste if a miggie landed in your food.

Those taste buds must drive them insane…….. Ooh – too lemony………aahh too tart……..that steak is definitely overcooked……. Sniff-sniff, pick-pick – taking the quivering young cooks to the slaughterhouse with one withering look.

Poor blighters.

And then my own nose was set to sniffing the smell of an overdone chicken and I jumped up to face a supper of dark brown, smoky, utterly destroyed chicken that was meant to feed 4.

I’m sorry Woolies – I will return today with my droopy tail feathers to buy another and try again.

I am even more ashamed, Michel Roux of the Michelin star fame and the oversensitive nose – you at least have the pleasure of knowing that you will never have to meet me on Masterchef…..